If you really wanna continue reading this, follow the page break. I can't guarantee that it'll be PG-13 in the least bit but it's the truth about the way I feel and my honest stream of consciousness.
Lately I've been feeling a little bit...deprived. I don't think that's even the best word to describe my feeling but I don't know. I guess my scorpio tendency to want intimacy is peaking. It could also do with the fact that my period is coming up. Anyway. I just felt that it's kind of *time* to relieve myself. I didn't pursue it last night but I tried today.
I tried watching today to just get over it, but couldn't do it. The floods of thoughts in my head were so persistent. Now that him and I aren't together anymore, I no longer have the "luxury" (I say in quotes because I deem it a luxury though others may disagree) of indulging in that kind of intimacy whenever I want and with the safety of only one person.
What I'm trying to say is that I have needs too. I like sex. I like being intimate. But I also haven't been "this single" in years. And it feels weird as fuck knowing that I'll probably have to engage in all this shit that I forgot people actually experience. Like, lol, for goodness' sake. I'm freakin' afraid of engaging in sex because I don't fuckin' trust people! How do I know if a dude really doesn't have STD's? That's my biggest beef. Do I even want to engage in sex? At this point, no. I'm too afraid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I understand this whole thing about single people being celibate. It's a feeling that I haven't ever really experienced since I ever became sexually active.
I guess I thought this was such a negative thing but it's actually not. I feel good about this realization because I'm no longer a slave to those intimacy cravings any longer (for lack of better vocabulary). Hahaha.
I feel kind of good now.
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