AB Samahan 2008 at SDSU

HAHA, I just found a few pictures from it. Credits to Ashley!


Look at the beautiful signs and the yellow t-shirts! <3

During the second workshop that I went to, hosted by Eastlake's PAYO. During that game the guy cheated and didn't raise his hand. D;


Then at lunch I played an inappropriate egg cracking game. My partner was awkward. HAHA. Oh well.

Anyway. Random update. I didn't go to school yesterday, I didn't want to. But Myckee came over and ate gummy bears in my room. Afterward, my aunt, grandma, cousins, and I dropped of turon at Zamorano, and went to the post office. I cashed in my money order, and now I finally have money to buy Christmas presents with! Then we went to the NEX for a few hours, and left to go to Glen Abbey for the viewing.

Today was the burial. I have a lot of developing to do! Um. I'm home now. And I'm ready to go buy gifts for people. I miss Aron, Boyet, Ian, Jay, Francis, Chloe, Aijalon, Kym, Sylvione, and Kirk! :( :( :( :( But maybe I'll be accompanied by Myckee tonight when I go buy gifts at Plaza.

Tomorrow night Aron and Boyet come back from GYC. Sometime Tuesday, the rest of the youth come back from Big Bear. Wednesday is Christmas Eve, and maybe small groups? Oh, and my cousins are coming. NINA<3 Thursday is Christmas Day. Friday is the vesper's service? Saturday is church allllll day? Or gala? Am I even going to the gala? :( :( :( Sunday is hopefully that Halo Halo date (;

I smell like a mixture of imitation seafood and Bath and Body Works. Disgusting. I forgive you for doubting me. You had a reason to not trust me, but now you know. I'm glad we're really not going to stop talking. Your laugh is adorable. And I miss you. But not too much. :)

edit: I'm adding an end of the year survey:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Go to the bay area more than 3 times.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember my resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico -_____

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Stay close to my parents. Maybe.

7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 18 and October 25.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
attending FilAm!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Giving in to love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Um. I'm still happy for the Hellz Bellz hoodie I bought!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Idk.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
:D :D :D YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE -___-

14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes. And probably food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
AB Samahan, my birthday, being in the bay, Haight St., etc.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Hm. Idk. That's hard.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Wiser? Yes.
Healthier? Somewhat.
Richer? Yeah.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I started going to FilAm earlier.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Not take my family into consideration.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Mostly with family, but I would like to see friends from church!

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yea.

23. How many one-night stands?
None!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I really liked Gossip Girl.. but I stopped.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
HAHA YEA.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Blue Bloods series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Idk

28. What did you want and get?
Shoes.. uh. What else.

29. What did you want and not get?
I wanted a better relationship w/ my parents.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't know.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
15, I went out to the park w/ PAPIA cabinet and out to Todai with my family.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Whatever the hell I want

33. What kept you sane?
My ex.

34. Who did you miss?
My ex.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God will always be there for you. He is the same: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Nothing can be done against the truth, no matter how we remain in denial.

I might as well!

Something is telling me that I should use this time to vent.
About what though..?

They're on the way to San Jose for GYC. I'm extremely jealous. I was supposed to be at the academy around 3pm with them waiting to leave. I was supposed to be with them at Panda Express a little while ago. I'm supposed to be in the car fast asleep. Grr. They say there's always next year. I'm sure there will be. I have separation anxiety from them. But I'm sure I'll make it. I mean, most of them will be back on Sunday! Or maybe I'll go with Sylvione up there for the ski trip. The possibilities.. I doubt it though.

I suppose today's matinee was my last King and I show. I'm a little bummed, but I'm tired of it already. I know almost all of the lines.. it's crazy. I'm not playing tomorrow because of the wake. I guess I should soon realize that I do have bigger priorities. I'm not ready to cry again.

"You're so complicated.. and confusing."
"If I'm so complicated and confusing, then why do you still talk to me?"

San Jose. San Francisco. Manteca. Tracy. Fuck. In the Grand Theatre there's a picture of one of the entrances to go into Bloomingdale's in downtown SF. I can't believe I recognized it. I miss the bay, despite all of the memories. I still feel the need to explore SF, with or without you. I'm sure it's not a phase. I'm sure it's something I'll never get over. But, I'll deal. I can't wait to visit again. It'll be emotional.

I'm waiting on my moneycat money.. Hm. I have some Christmas shopping to do.

It's hard to believe, but I'm behind on photography assignments. I needa stop being lazy. I need to buy a reflector. Black and white film cameras are hellla not all that jazz.

There's something about 2009 that makes me excited. I just don't know what.

"Let's say she's a 9. What if another girl shows up at church, and she's the 10? Would you just settle for the 9?"
I wonder.. am I that 10 for him?

I feel extremely terrible. Actually. I always feel extremely terrible these days. I don't find comfort except when I'm in church during a sermon, service, reading the Bible, with Aron, Boyet, Francis, Ian, Chris, Christian, or the rest of the FilAm youth, or when I'm at a party where people from church are at. I do text all of them like crazy though.

I'm not too excited for the rest of this week. At all. I'm really just waiting for it to be over. Aron makes me feel a lot better. Talking to him helps me a lot.

I'm available for the rest of this week if you still want to talk. If you don't call, I'll assume that you're over it, and I won't have to worry about you anymore.

For Christmas, I want to be more at ease. Those who know me don't have to ask what I want. Christmas has me scarred.

Caught Up

It's been a while.

I've been caught off guard since the end of the grading period and the King and I, but now I feel somewhat caught up.

My grandma's back from Hawaii. I haven't seen her yet. My mom told me tonight at the end of the meeting that Grandpa Johnny's dying. I haven't seen him in the longest. I don't know what to do. I feel really distant.

GYC is coming up, and I'm really down about how I'm not going. I'd give up the Christmas gala to go to GYC. Just hearing Jay talk about going to Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles in LA pisses me off. Then at Vespers when the offering was going to the AYA fund. Five days in San Jose without parents with a bunch of dope SDA kids. The Silent Night skit was alright. I was kinda confused though.. Auntie Michelle is a really good actor though. She had me on the verge of tears.

Saturday morning was a journey. I left the house by 8:45am and Kenneth drove me to school. I ended up staying there longer than I anticipated. I feel like my mom took her time getting ready for church because she knew we were going to PV. The program was fine, nothing extremely special. It was really cold that day.. After the service, we left, and I was pissed that I went home instead of going to FilAm for potluck. I was hella ready and everything. By the time I got there, we all just chilled and kicked it. Someone took out glow sticks and then we turned off the lights and lit them. It was hella fun. When we started settling down, I found myself laying on the futon. "Deaj, you're beautiful." The most down time we've ever had together. Afterwards was drill practice. We were out in the rain for a few minutes, then Auntie Beth had us go inside. Boyet and Francis taught Kayla, Riley, and I the double hand salute. Around 6, my mom took Kayla, Ian, Chloe, and I to school, and they watched the King and I. I totally messed up my solo D; King x Anna Planning the Party was alright. When the musical ended, Jay, Francis, AJ, Kayla, and I drove around to Carl's Jr in Sweetwater and bought five spicy chicken sandwiches, then went to the Plaza Bonita food court to eat, hah. I ended up getting home hella late. Oh weeeelll.

Today we got to the meeting late. No big. PT was chill.. but I'm getting tired of playing/watching Capture the Flag. Teens lost again D; But I did accomplish two things!: I freed Ken and I pulled Josh's flag :D After PT was Bible study in the sanctuary. I didn't know what I was supposed to be reading, so I prayed that when I opened the book, that He'd bless me with something to learn from. I found myself in the seventh chapter of Psalm. After Bible study we played Capture the Bacon. When Francis called, "people who wear... GLASSES!" I was in the back, then I think EJ threw a lateral, and I caught it and scored. Haha, greatest accomplishment so far :D When we fell back in, we ate. Then we played White Elephant. Crazy stuff. I ended up leaving with White Chocolate Truffles. When the meeting officially ended, Pastor Kyle called a short GYC meeting in the sanctuary. -___- I stayed in the Fellowship Hall and left before everyone got back from the meeting.

Now I'm home, and I feel ridiculous. I don't feel like it's a good ridiculous. The heater's on, but I feel cold. I'm selling my cat's to buy Christmas presents. This is the last school week of the year. FINALLY.

Tagged.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you. Or do I? I don't know? Are you interesting? Would I want to know you better?

1. I'm ridiculously indecisive. Actually, it runs in my family. I started becoming aware of how indecisive I am when last Christmas, my cousin, Kevin, would drive us around San Francisco and ask us where we'd want to go, but we'd all be so indecisive that we'd all say, "Oh, Idk, I don't really care." and he would get so upset because we didn't have a set plan, HAHA. So, if you ever ask me a question with choices, you won't really get an answer.
2. I like going to FilAm Seventh-Day Adventist Church. Despite all of the "semi-drama" I see all of these family qualities, and I'm excited to become apart of it. Ever since I started attending the church, I never became so excited to get ready for sabbath school, go to church early, and plan to stay for the entire day.
3. I'm having a hard time writing this became I'm so indecisive. Shoot, 15 years, and I have to choose 13 more experiences, facts, habits, or goals about myself? That's really broad and vague! :(
4. I thought that my intentions were good with my parents, but they're not. I did it for a reason, but the relationship between my parents and I just went back to the way it was. But it's harder for me to lie to them. I want this relationship to be fixed, but it feels like I'm more attached to church than them, and my parents get upset about how much time I like hanging out at church.
5. I always seem to obtain some serious separation anxiety from Chamber and Wind Ensemble kids after tour. It's like between the four days and three nights of bonding and winning, that we become so close in a short amount of time. Then when we come back to school, we spend even more time recovering together because we're all so tired and share tons of inside jokes and talk about what happened on tour. It makes me excited for the five days and four nights for this Anaheim tour :D
6. I try to stay open minded and get to know people before I judge them. Even now with FilAm youth there's a lot of underlying controversy with people, but at the end of the day we're all a family. I haven't seen it yet, but when I do, I'm sure I'll believe it. Also at school when I meet someone new.
7. I like to be optimistic and positive. Even sometimes when I feel down, I try to be as positive as I can. If someone doesn't like me, I'm not gonna force them to like me, but I'll still respect them.
8. I give myself a manicure once a week. I've done leopard print (my specialty!), stripes, diagonals, french tip, and marbling. Lately I haven't had the time to do anything as eccentric as before, but my nails are dark maroon/cranberryish. I want more colors. I have a wish list of colors. :( LOL. But it'll bust a hole in your wallet (;
9. My relationship with God has grown, but I still have a long way to go. I've become more faithful, but not faithful enough to realize all the time that He throws all of these trials and challenges at me to become stronger.
10. My body doesn't allow me to sleep in as long as it used to. Before, I would be able to easily sleep in past 10am, but when given the change to sleep in, I sleep in until about 7-8am. But it changes, depending on what time I go to sleep. As a matter of fact, I'm sleepy right now.
11. I don't want to give into pressure. I feel like since I'm new, I'm being pressured to become more involved in everything with the quickness. I mean it's cool that I'm being accepted and invited and stuff, but a lot of the times I become so overwhelmed with the offers and the thought of getting someones hopes up when the fact is that my parents won't allow me to. It's not that I'm not down to become involved, but I don't want to let someone down because of the amount of commitment that I'm allowed to have. D;
12. Even though it's church, I feel like I can only REALLY trust a select amount of people with my "secrets".
13. I'm self-conscious and slightly shallow. Some say I can sing, and I've been invited to sing for the song service at church. I can only sing melody, I don't know how to harmonize. I wish I could though. It'd be sick. I'm also very aware of what I wear and what everyone around me wears. I feel like your outward appearance is sort of like a first impression and how you present yourself without using words from your mouth.
14. I HAVE DREAMS WHEN I SLEEP NOW! I used to not dream about anything before.. :\ Maybe it's a sign, maybe it's not. But many of the dreams I've been having lately aren't very significant. Are they supposed to be? O____o
15. I wonder about the saying, "if you buy someone shoes, they'll walk out of your self". Is it true?
16. Lastly, man, I want this one to be REALLY GOOD, I realized I tend to be attracted to guys who are are either musically inclined and end up being athletic, or are athletic and end up being musically inclined too. The music a guy listens to can either make or break him to me. If I'm serious about a guy, the music he listens to has to be good, one way or another. I'm open minded, so if I don't like the music he listens to, then it must mean it's REALLY BAD, haha.

Soooooo, I taggg:
1. Gabe, because you probably won't read this post until a week later -___- and then probably not even reply with your own little 16.
2. Samantha, because probably WILL read this and reply. Btw, I like reading your blog and looking at your pictures :)
3. Wifey Kamz, because I miss talking to you.
4. Karl Orotea, because I'm curious to see what you would write.. or if you will write. o_-
5. Amy Moore, my best buddy stand partner!
6. Jevin Almazan, my other best buddy stand partner, ish.. HAHA.
7. Jon Seligman, because I miss riding the bus with you. The bus stop is so far away now.. -__-
8. Jason Tsunoda, because I'm tired of sushi :(
9. Kuya Ryan, because I feel bad for flaking on you on Thursday morning.
10. Megan Foronda, because I love your voice.
11. Myckee Martinez, because we still need to kick it..
12. Kristine Torres, because I will ALWAYS have your back.
13. Kenneth Florendo, although you don't even go on facebook that often..
14. Nina David, because I miss you boo, boo. :( :( :( :( :(
15. Jannica Pascua, because it was fun at your house on Thanksgiving, haha
16. And Dani, because we still gotta kick it the next time I go to the bay.









I made onigiri with tuna for 1-5 pullouts on Friday! :)


Finally letting go of these. '04 Bred II's sz 6y. Interested? Ask me for more pictures.








Some people tell me you're great, but some people tell me you're not all that great. I'm pretty sure you've only been showing me your "great" side, but I'm pretty sure I've been showing you my good side.. maybe a little ugly. I don't know if I want things to get serious. Nope, I don't. Haha. Today was fun though. I really enjoyed your company after Vespers during the band practice. It was fun today during drill too. I just hope you're not as fake as people are portraying you to me.

You confuse me, and it's hurting me. When I'm with friends at church, they wonder about me. Like Big C.. he gets confused about me as a friend because, you know, usually I'm super upbeat and optimistic. But sometimes I have my low points where I look terrible. Throbbing headaches suck.. I'm advised to let you go. But I'm too attached to let go. Maybe I should detach myself? I want more signs. I need more signs.

I got one.
Okay, go.
I'll never buy you a pair of shoes.
Oh okay..
Wanna know why?
Why?
Because I'm afraid you'll walk out of my life.