Grading period 1: OVER!

Wowwwww, 3 more, and it's the end of the semester. Or something like that, haha! I can't wait to get my grades this Friday. And wtheck, when are we gonna get our student ID's?! I want mine now :( Anyway, PSAT's weren't what I expected them to be. I skipped a lot of problems. Oh well. It's practice for a reason, right? Haha, IDGAF. School's been a bore, and I can't wait for this week. It's gonna be a super quick blur, ah my goodness. LAWL.

So, most of my issues have been worked out, just like an unironed blouse that's super hard to iron. You'll iron everything out, but you'll always have that little wrinkle or two that just won't come out! Hm. But, hey, you tried right.

I got my Rock's and Joe's tailored last week. Just a cut and hem each. I love filipinos so much! The dry cleaners that I went to tailored them for only $14. Yaaaay, fr3$h denumz LAWL


Today, my family and I went to FilAm church in Bonita. It was fun, and I really liked it. Everyone was hella nice, and I feel more comfortable there than at PV Church. This afternoon we went to Vieja's Casino. It was maddddd boring. Almost bought some 504 Levi's, but I changed my mind and didn't buy anything at all. After the freakin' water show, we stood in line for more than an hour to get into a sucky buffet. Whatever, they're pecan things were pretty yummy. I think I would have rather stayed home and cleaned.

So, happy belated birthday, Joey.
Happy almost birthday, Arvy.
Happy almost birthday, Jeremiah.
Happy almost birthday, Chris.
Happy almost birthday, An.

I need to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and buy a drying rack. I'm not willing to let my shirts stretch from hanging on hangers after cleaning them. Heckkkk no. Not with the money I spend on them, shoooot. And I wanna catch up on Gossip Girl. I don't have enough time read the books (but I will, someday!), but I reaaaallly wanna get the first season, too! Haha.

Anyway. I'm excited for this week. I have a feeling that it's going to be wonderful. No intense Santa Ana winds. No crazy wild fires. No loneliness. (:

Selah pt. I

New "series". Selah.

1. PSAT's tomorrow. Am I ready? Probably not. I studied a little bit. It's not the real thing, and although I should treat it like it is, I'm too lazy. Am I worried about it? Not too much. I'm just happy that because of it, there's extensions on odd day work.

2. How do I comfort you? Through my attempts to comfort you, my words slowly become irrelevant by the second. I'm not going to keep running my mouth, wasting my breaths, for failure where I'm not even helping. I don't know what you want me to say because I've never been in this situation before. What would you say to me if I had been on that accident, and you were just home, kickin' it, and doing your homework. I've told you on and on that I'm always here for you. I've been here for you since the beginning. I'm sorry that I'm caught up with school and extracurricular activities, but we agreed that school does come first. You're hurting and traumatized, but how do you think I feel? I know that I'm definitely not your first priority.. Selah.

3. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to you yet. Your actions are shady, and I'm not down for that at all. I don't want to talk to you about it because it's really none of my business, but I'm not a fake person, and I'm not gonna talk to you like nothing is wrong.

More sleep, less social? Lately, all I've been doing is questioning myself. Selah. I'm so confused about everything. Can I handle school? Can I handle Karl? Can I handle any of this? I don't know what I want. I don't know how to deal with any of this. More Karl, less sleep, poor grades? Is it really all worth it in the end? I'm beginning to think that I can't handle any of this.. If I can't handle sophomore year, how will I cope with everything as a junior when everything counts for college?

There's only so much that I can tolerate.. Selah. For me, there's only a thin line between tolerable and impossible.. It's do or die. I can either handle all of it, or not have anything at all.

Everything has been so good lately, and I was expecting it to keep growing until about next weekend. But now, I'm scared. Selah. For myself, this relationship, my life, my success, or my failure. Selah. Am I being realistic with what I need? Selah.

2. These constant issues, fights, arguments and disagreements are getting to me. I'm starting to disregard all of them and not even care.. Selah. I can only handle so much..

I don't know what I want.
Selah.
I'm trying to figure out how to make this all work.
Selah.
I don't know if I can handle this.
Selah.
Do or die.

I'm taking all of what you're saying to the heart.

FXCK OFF

Priority. Now what does that word really mean? Apparently, my priorities have to match yours so that there's no misunderstanding between us two. That way when our priorities are the same, you understand me better. Right, Dad? Yes, I'm actually very happy that when the first grading period is pretty much fucking over, you're going to attempt to go to my school and talk to my counselor about my classes and extracurricular activities. I'm also very fortunate that you're going to talk to her about me dropping classes, possibly orchestra or photography, or even APWH, because I'm overstressed. But tell me, Dad, I am not handling all of my priorities? I am not staying up late every night to check that I'm trying my fucking hardest to "make you proud"? I'm not going to go up to your face and ask you to fucking acknowledge me. I join all of these clubs, and aspire to ace all of these classes IN HOPE of you maybe noticing that I strive to be a straight A student, even though I end up with ONE B at the end of the year. Maybe I wait for you to realize that I have problems, like my viola sucks shit. But apparently, you haven't noticed that since the fourth grade, orchestra has been a major part of my life. You two got me into SCPA so that I could excel in the arts and in academics. But now you're telling me that I'm not able to handle both? Fuck you guys. When you were my age, tell me that you had AP World History, that you are one of the best violists of the school, that you were your school's co-fucking editor and that you're not even in the class, and that you're able to keep a great fucking relationship going despite all of your other priorities. When I'm out of the King and I, and chamber orchestra while Amy is the only great viola, tell me that the music department won't suffer. When I'm out of yearbook, tell me that the yearbook won't suffer. When I get my classes changed, and need to learn an entire curriculum over to adjust to new teachers, show me that you're proud of my remedial grades because I'm able to handle mediocre classes that don't cause me any stress. Then, and only then, tell me to lower my standards to make you proud.

Don't forget to tell me who to love.

Anyway, lately it seems like everyone is in a long distance relationship. Karl and I might have inspired, butt fuck. Is it really that amazing that it's been like a few weeks? Work it out for another 9 months or so and then I'll congratulate you. Everyone is starting to get so used to the whole "long distance" thing that it's not even a special or unique thing that people can talk about. Soon enough long distance relationships are going to be normal, and everyone and their mom will be in one. I guess that's good because everyone had faith now. At least, I would think so. Wouldn't you?

Time for homework. Peace bitches.

Briefly..

Sixth week of the grading period is starting tomorrow. Damn, last week was so stressful. The whole compare/contrast essay fucked everyone up. Hopefully this week won't be too bad.

Saturday = FilAmFest. Whaaaack. Got there at like 1:30. Fifteen minutes later I was bored as fuck. Saw hella people. Chilled with Loraine and her homeboy Brian for a while. Then she dipped and then Brian and I kicked it under the tent watching Bambu. I wasn't really feelin' his performance.. Then I caught up with my sister and her "friends". I saw Myckee, and we all talked for a while. When Myckee had to dip, I left with him and he drove me home. Might chill with him this weekend to go watch Always pt. I at the SDAFF this weekend. Hopefully.

Today I cleaned and just relaxed all day. Chargers suuuuuck D; No more dope nails. At least, not this week. I finally got the chance to wash my bedsheets. I don't get how people can't take a shower before they sleep. I can't stand going to sleep when I'm dirty. Eww. So yea, I feel extra comfy when I lay down in my bed. That's the way it should be, right?

Everyone's birthday is coming up! Especially Chris Bongato's.. my COUSIN. HAHA. Hint, hint.

Dear Karl:
WHASUP LOVE. I'm bored, but you're asleep, so I thought I'd write a letter to you. Sort of. Um. Yea. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you! Goodnight. (;