AB Samahan 2008 at SDSU

HAHA, I just found a few pictures from it. Credits to Ashley!


Look at the beautiful signs and the yellow t-shirts! <3

During the second workshop that I went to, hosted by Eastlake's PAYO. During that game the guy cheated and didn't raise his hand. D;


Then at lunch I played an inappropriate egg cracking game. My partner was awkward. HAHA. Oh well.

Anyway. Random update. I didn't go to school yesterday, I didn't want to. But Myckee came over and ate gummy bears in my room. Afterward, my aunt, grandma, cousins, and I dropped of turon at Zamorano, and went to the post office. I cashed in my money order, and now I finally have money to buy Christmas presents with! Then we went to the NEX for a few hours, and left to go to Glen Abbey for the viewing.

Today was the burial. I have a lot of developing to do! Um. I'm home now. And I'm ready to go buy gifts for people. I miss Aron, Boyet, Ian, Jay, Francis, Chloe, Aijalon, Kym, Sylvione, and Kirk! :( :( :( :( But maybe I'll be accompanied by Myckee tonight when I go buy gifts at Plaza.

Tomorrow night Aron and Boyet come back from GYC. Sometime Tuesday, the rest of the youth come back from Big Bear. Wednesday is Christmas Eve, and maybe small groups? Oh, and my cousins are coming. NINA<3 Thursday is Christmas Day. Friday is the vesper's service? Saturday is church allllll day? Or gala? Am I even going to the gala? :( :( :( Sunday is hopefully that Halo Halo date (;

I smell like a mixture of imitation seafood and Bath and Body Works. Disgusting. I forgive you for doubting me. You had a reason to not trust me, but now you know. I'm glad we're really not going to stop talking. Your laugh is adorable. And I miss you. But not too much. :)

edit: I'm adding an end of the year survey:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Go to the bay area more than 3 times.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember my resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico -_____

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Stay close to my parents. Maybe.

7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 18 and October 25.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
attending FilAm!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Giving in to love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Um. I'm still happy for the Hellz Bellz hoodie I bought!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Idk.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
:D :D :D YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE -___-

14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes. And probably food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
AB Samahan, my birthday, being in the bay, Haight St., etc.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Hm. Idk. That's hard.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Wiser? Yes.
Healthier? Somewhat.
Richer? Yeah.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I started going to FilAm earlier.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Not take my family into consideration.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Mostly with family, but I would like to see friends from church!

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yea.

23. How many one-night stands?
None!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I really liked Gossip Girl.. but I stopped.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
HAHA YEA.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Blue Bloods series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Idk

28. What did you want and get?
Shoes.. uh. What else.

29. What did you want and not get?
I wanted a better relationship w/ my parents.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't know.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
15, I went out to the park w/ PAPIA cabinet and out to Todai with my family.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Whatever the hell I want

33. What kept you sane?
My ex.

34. Who did you miss?
My ex.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God will always be there for you. He is the same: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Nothing can be done against the truth, no matter how we remain in denial.

I might as well!

Something is telling me that I should use this time to vent.
About what though..?

They're on the way to San Jose for GYC. I'm extremely jealous. I was supposed to be at the academy around 3pm with them waiting to leave. I was supposed to be with them at Panda Express a little while ago. I'm supposed to be in the car fast asleep. Grr. They say there's always next year. I'm sure there will be. I have separation anxiety from them. But I'm sure I'll make it. I mean, most of them will be back on Sunday! Or maybe I'll go with Sylvione up there for the ski trip. The possibilities.. I doubt it though.

I suppose today's matinee was my last King and I show. I'm a little bummed, but I'm tired of it already. I know almost all of the lines.. it's crazy. I'm not playing tomorrow because of the wake. I guess I should soon realize that I do have bigger priorities. I'm not ready to cry again.

"You're so complicated.. and confusing."
"If I'm so complicated and confusing, then why do you still talk to me?"

San Jose. San Francisco. Manteca. Tracy. Fuck. In the Grand Theatre there's a picture of one of the entrances to go into Bloomingdale's in downtown SF. I can't believe I recognized it. I miss the bay, despite all of the memories. I still feel the need to explore SF, with or without you. I'm sure it's not a phase. I'm sure it's something I'll never get over. But, I'll deal. I can't wait to visit again. It'll be emotional.

I'm waiting on my moneycat money.. Hm. I have some Christmas shopping to do.

It's hard to believe, but I'm behind on photography assignments. I needa stop being lazy. I need to buy a reflector. Black and white film cameras are hellla not all that jazz.

There's something about 2009 that makes me excited. I just don't know what.

"Let's say she's a 9. What if another girl shows up at church, and she's the 10? Would you just settle for the 9?"
I wonder.. am I that 10 for him?

I feel extremely terrible. Actually. I always feel extremely terrible these days. I don't find comfort except when I'm in church during a sermon, service, reading the Bible, with Aron, Boyet, Francis, Ian, Chris, Christian, or the rest of the FilAm youth, or when I'm at a party where people from church are at. I do text all of them like crazy though.

I'm not too excited for the rest of this week. At all. I'm really just waiting for it to be over. Aron makes me feel a lot better. Talking to him helps me a lot.

I'm available for the rest of this week if you still want to talk. If you don't call, I'll assume that you're over it, and I won't have to worry about you anymore.

For Christmas, I want to be more at ease. Those who know me don't have to ask what I want. Christmas has me scarred.

Caught Up

It's been a while.

I've been caught off guard since the end of the grading period and the King and I, but now I feel somewhat caught up.

My grandma's back from Hawaii. I haven't seen her yet. My mom told me tonight at the end of the meeting that Grandpa Johnny's dying. I haven't seen him in the longest. I don't know what to do. I feel really distant.

GYC is coming up, and I'm really down about how I'm not going. I'd give up the Christmas gala to go to GYC. Just hearing Jay talk about going to Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles in LA pisses me off. Then at Vespers when the offering was going to the AYA fund. Five days in San Jose without parents with a bunch of dope SDA kids. The Silent Night skit was alright. I was kinda confused though.. Auntie Michelle is a really good actor though. She had me on the verge of tears.

Saturday morning was a journey. I left the house by 8:45am and Kenneth drove me to school. I ended up staying there longer than I anticipated. I feel like my mom took her time getting ready for church because she knew we were going to PV. The program was fine, nothing extremely special. It was really cold that day.. After the service, we left, and I was pissed that I went home instead of going to FilAm for potluck. I was hella ready and everything. By the time I got there, we all just chilled and kicked it. Someone took out glow sticks and then we turned off the lights and lit them. It was hella fun. When we started settling down, I found myself laying on the futon. "Deaj, you're beautiful." The most down time we've ever had together. Afterwards was drill practice. We were out in the rain for a few minutes, then Auntie Beth had us go inside. Boyet and Francis taught Kayla, Riley, and I the double hand salute. Around 6, my mom took Kayla, Ian, Chloe, and I to school, and they watched the King and I. I totally messed up my solo D; King x Anna Planning the Party was alright. When the musical ended, Jay, Francis, AJ, Kayla, and I drove around to Carl's Jr in Sweetwater and bought five spicy chicken sandwiches, then went to the Plaza Bonita food court to eat, hah. I ended up getting home hella late. Oh weeeelll.

Today we got to the meeting late. No big. PT was chill.. but I'm getting tired of playing/watching Capture the Flag. Teens lost again D; But I did accomplish two things!: I freed Ken and I pulled Josh's flag :D After PT was Bible study in the sanctuary. I didn't know what I was supposed to be reading, so I prayed that when I opened the book, that He'd bless me with something to learn from. I found myself in the seventh chapter of Psalm. After Bible study we played Capture the Bacon. When Francis called, "people who wear... GLASSES!" I was in the back, then I think EJ threw a lateral, and I caught it and scored. Haha, greatest accomplishment so far :D When we fell back in, we ate. Then we played White Elephant. Crazy stuff. I ended up leaving with White Chocolate Truffles. When the meeting officially ended, Pastor Kyle called a short GYC meeting in the sanctuary. -___- I stayed in the Fellowship Hall and left before everyone got back from the meeting.

Now I'm home, and I feel ridiculous. I don't feel like it's a good ridiculous. The heater's on, but I feel cold. I'm selling my cat's to buy Christmas presents. This is the last school week of the year. FINALLY.

Tagged.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you. Or do I? I don't know? Are you interesting? Would I want to know you better?

1. I'm ridiculously indecisive. Actually, it runs in my family. I started becoming aware of how indecisive I am when last Christmas, my cousin, Kevin, would drive us around San Francisco and ask us where we'd want to go, but we'd all be so indecisive that we'd all say, "Oh, Idk, I don't really care." and he would get so upset because we didn't have a set plan, HAHA. So, if you ever ask me a question with choices, you won't really get an answer.
2. I like going to FilAm Seventh-Day Adventist Church. Despite all of the "semi-drama" I see all of these family qualities, and I'm excited to become apart of it. Ever since I started attending the church, I never became so excited to get ready for sabbath school, go to church early, and plan to stay for the entire day.
3. I'm having a hard time writing this became I'm so indecisive. Shoot, 15 years, and I have to choose 13 more experiences, facts, habits, or goals about myself? That's really broad and vague! :(
4. I thought that my intentions were good with my parents, but they're not. I did it for a reason, but the relationship between my parents and I just went back to the way it was. But it's harder for me to lie to them. I want this relationship to be fixed, but it feels like I'm more attached to church than them, and my parents get upset about how much time I like hanging out at church.
5. I always seem to obtain some serious separation anxiety from Chamber and Wind Ensemble kids after tour. It's like between the four days and three nights of bonding and winning, that we become so close in a short amount of time. Then when we come back to school, we spend even more time recovering together because we're all so tired and share tons of inside jokes and talk about what happened on tour. It makes me excited for the five days and four nights for this Anaheim tour :D
6. I try to stay open minded and get to know people before I judge them. Even now with FilAm youth there's a lot of underlying controversy with people, but at the end of the day we're all a family. I haven't seen it yet, but when I do, I'm sure I'll believe it. Also at school when I meet someone new.
7. I like to be optimistic and positive. Even sometimes when I feel down, I try to be as positive as I can. If someone doesn't like me, I'm not gonna force them to like me, but I'll still respect them.
8. I give myself a manicure once a week. I've done leopard print (my specialty!), stripes, diagonals, french tip, and marbling. Lately I haven't had the time to do anything as eccentric as before, but my nails are dark maroon/cranberryish. I want more colors. I have a wish list of colors. :( LOL. But it'll bust a hole in your wallet (;
9. My relationship with God has grown, but I still have a long way to go. I've become more faithful, but not faithful enough to realize all the time that He throws all of these trials and challenges at me to become stronger.
10. My body doesn't allow me to sleep in as long as it used to. Before, I would be able to easily sleep in past 10am, but when given the change to sleep in, I sleep in until about 7-8am. But it changes, depending on what time I go to sleep. As a matter of fact, I'm sleepy right now.
11. I don't want to give into pressure. I feel like since I'm new, I'm being pressured to become more involved in everything with the quickness. I mean it's cool that I'm being accepted and invited and stuff, but a lot of the times I become so overwhelmed with the offers and the thought of getting someones hopes up when the fact is that my parents won't allow me to. It's not that I'm not down to become involved, but I don't want to let someone down because of the amount of commitment that I'm allowed to have. D;
12. Even though it's church, I feel like I can only REALLY trust a select amount of people with my "secrets".
13. I'm self-conscious and slightly shallow. Some say I can sing, and I've been invited to sing for the song service at church. I can only sing melody, I don't know how to harmonize. I wish I could though. It'd be sick. I'm also very aware of what I wear and what everyone around me wears. I feel like your outward appearance is sort of like a first impression and how you present yourself without using words from your mouth.
14. I HAVE DREAMS WHEN I SLEEP NOW! I used to not dream about anything before.. :\ Maybe it's a sign, maybe it's not. But many of the dreams I've been having lately aren't very significant. Are they supposed to be? O____o
15. I wonder about the saying, "if you buy someone shoes, they'll walk out of your self". Is it true?
16. Lastly, man, I want this one to be REALLY GOOD, I realized I tend to be attracted to guys who are are either musically inclined and end up being athletic, or are athletic and end up being musically inclined too. The music a guy listens to can either make or break him to me. If I'm serious about a guy, the music he listens to has to be good, one way or another. I'm open minded, so if I don't like the music he listens to, then it must mean it's REALLY BAD, haha.

Soooooo, I taggg:
1. Gabe, because you probably won't read this post until a week later -___- and then probably not even reply with your own little 16.
2. Samantha, because probably WILL read this and reply. Btw, I like reading your blog and looking at your pictures :)
3. Wifey Kamz, because I miss talking to you.
4. Karl Orotea, because I'm curious to see what you would write.. or if you will write. o_-
5. Amy Moore, my best buddy stand partner!
6. Jevin Almazan, my other best buddy stand partner, ish.. HAHA.
7. Jon Seligman, because I miss riding the bus with you. The bus stop is so far away now.. -__-
8. Jason Tsunoda, because I'm tired of sushi :(
9. Kuya Ryan, because I feel bad for flaking on you on Thursday morning.
10. Megan Foronda, because I love your voice.
11. Myckee Martinez, because we still need to kick it..
12. Kristine Torres, because I will ALWAYS have your back.
13. Kenneth Florendo, although you don't even go on facebook that often..
14. Nina David, because I miss you boo, boo. :( :( :( :( :(
15. Jannica Pascua, because it was fun at your house on Thanksgiving, haha
16. And Dani, because we still gotta kick it the next time I go to the bay.









I made onigiri with tuna for 1-5 pullouts on Friday! :)


Finally letting go of these. '04 Bred II's sz 6y. Interested? Ask me for more pictures.








Some people tell me you're great, but some people tell me you're not all that great. I'm pretty sure you've only been showing me your "great" side, but I'm pretty sure I've been showing you my good side.. maybe a little ugly. I don't know if I want things to get serious. Nope, I don't. Haha. Today was fun though. I really enjoyed your company after Vespers during the band practice. It was fun today during drill too. I just hope you're not as fake as people are portraying you to me.

You confuse me, and it's hurting me. When I'm with friends at church, they wonder about me. Like Big C.. he gets confused about me as a friend because, you know, usually I'm super upbeat and optimistic. But sometimes I have my low points where I look terrible. Throbbing headaches suck.. I'm advised to let you go. But I'm too attached to let go. Maybe I should detach myself? I want more signs. I need more signs.

I got one.
Okay, go.
I'll never buy you a pair of shoes.
Oh okay..
Wanna know why?
Why?
Because I'm afraid you'll walk out of my life.

It Ain't Nothin' But A Thang

For one thing, I know I told you all of that last night was my honesty. But the thing that bothers me is the fact that I don't know what the truth is, and with everyone telling me different things at once confuses the crap out of me. I'm not ready to vent out all of my feelings because they're starting to change a lot because of the fact that I'm hearing different things. It kinda sucks, but, if it's God's will, it'll make me stronger.

It hurts me to know that I'm hurting you too. I understand there are things that shouldn't matter anymore, but they do. I'm gonna reminisce a little. I remember last Black Friday when you called me so early in the morning, and I talked to you so you weren't alone. It was the day you picked up your Skate Mental's, went into a Macy's dressing room, tried them on, and took pictures all while you were talking on the phone to me. I don't know why this is significant, but this is what I remember.

Anyway. Last night at the Pathfinder's Thanksgiving Dinner was hella fun. Everyone getting there semi-late, and all cute and "suited up". I ended up wearing a "form fitting" black dress from Forever 21, a cropped purple cardigan, and cute black open-toed pumps from H&M. When we got there, it was sort of awkward because it felt like we were there early. When the program started, I ended up sitting on the left of Aijalon, the right of Sylvione, across from Ian and Ken, and diagonal from EJ. Then when we got our food, I switched seats with Ken because I was sharing pie with Ian, haha. It was so the tie. And VPL doesn't phase me. After the program finished, when we were finished cleaning up, first, Kayla and Kirk started taking pictures, then Uncle Eric called Ian and I. He was all, "Deaj, Deaj! Take a picture with me!" while holding Ian's arm on the right, and put me on the left of him. Then him and I took pictures. My pose was hella awkward. Someone should have told me to turn inward more! Oh well. Then, there was a huge couple picture with Kirk, Jonah, Ian, Ryan, Sylvione, Me, Jennifer, and Kayla. Afterwards, everyone got in on the picture, and there was a huge youth picture. I don't really know what happened to them, but whatever. After, the youth ended up kicking it in the fellowship hall for a while because of all the last minute practices happening.

I finally got home around 10pmish, but when I got home, I had to slice up vegetables to soup to bring to the potluck this morning. I got to bed around 12am. This morning I woke up at 4:45am, left my house late, and got to the service late at 5:50amish. Oh well. Haha. Better late than never. After the service ended at 7:45amish, we all went to the fellowship hall for breakfast. The line was crazy long. Then, we all split, but met back up at Terra Nova park for football. When football was over, I left with Boyet, Aron, Jannica, and Cammy. We went to Von's to buy batteries, then drove over to Jannica's house. We played some Mario game on Wii, then watched some asian movie, ahaha! When they started to serve food, my dad picked my sister and I up, and then we left. When I got home, I hella napped, and now I'm awake, waiting to go out for dinner. I'm getting hungry. :(

Here's my one and only photo contribution. My H&M heels. :)


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

edit.
I miss that comfort of someone to cuddle with. And the comfort of someone to trust.

Lesson Learned pt. II

I just realized that the Love vs. Love series might have just ended. Wow. That's crazy.

I'm not the type of person to announce to the entire world. I thought it was going to be like a bomb. Like if I told my close friends with what happened, they would tell more of their close friends, and etc. But it was more like, "testing, 1, 2, 3." and told to anyone who was listening. But whatever. It's your choice, not mine. We're two different people.

I don't know what I want to admit or say in this post, but, finally apologizing to my parents felt amazing. I know when Christmas comes around and my family comes down, I'm gonna cry, and it's gonna suck, but, at least they won't hate me anymore.

Church was interesting on Saturday. They had us write our name down on a piece of paper, crumple it up, put it in a hat, draw another name, and without looking at the name, pray for that person with whatever advice you feel like that person needs. After we prayed for a few minutes, we were told to open the paper, go to the person that you prayed for, and tell them what you advised them to do. I ended up having Francis, so I went up to him and told him what I prayed about.. In the process of telling him, I almost cried. After Sabbath school, we helped the children. Chris and I weren't doing anything, so we went back into the sanctuary. Then we were told to go into the pews because we were watching Mark Finley, so we left, and went to the children's church instead. After church, we ate, and then a bunch of the youth were going out to eat. I went for the ride, haha! Rode with Boyet, and we went to In N Out til we realized it was HELLA crowded, then we drove to Da Kine's. We went back to church when we got our food 10 minutes late for the food drive, haha :( After the food drive, we ended up going to Lollicup and I got a Thai Tea. I tried Boyet's Taro w/ boba, and it's starting to grow on me, haha.

When we got back to church, we chilled there until the Mark Finley when Pastor Kyle came into the fellowship hall and told us to go and watch it. After the song service, Chris and I left and went back to the fellowship hall, HAHA. We were kicking it for around 10 minutes when someone says, HIDE! PASTOR KYLE'S COMING! So, we all run for the wall, including Kuya Roy. I've never seen Kuya Roy run so fast before, HAHA! I ended up scratching my back against the wall, and it still hurts d: After we got caught, we all went into the Mother's Room and got caught again. Ah, we're so bad at hiding. Halfway through the Mark Finley, Chris, Francis, and I leave to go around the church, and I talk to them about my issues. It feels good to vent to people from church. When Mark Finley ended, there was drill practice. After drill, we went to Sylvione's house, ate pizza, and watched Kung Fu Panda. Haha, that movie was hella cute. When the movie finished, we went upstairs. Between Chloe and Francis, they played the guitar and we sang with them. Haha. "I'm a musician! Not a singer!" and "Bless me with your beauty, cutie" =o =o =o When everyone started leaving, Uncle Eric had us playing games. When we got bored of the game, he started telling us ghost stories, and scaring us with this shoe, HAHA! Then when we were hella off guard he's like, oh hold on, I gotta feed the dog. And he goes out and from the backyard scares the crap out of us, haha! We ended up leaving around 1am, taking Francis and Kenneth with us cos they're dumb. I went to sleep at 2am.

I hope I get to chill with Myckee today. (even though that's what I've been saying for a while now.)

Lastly, hi Sam. I wanna shout out to you because I wish we lived close so I could chill with you or something. d: <3

Lesson Learned

I don't know where to start.

I know. I'm sorry. Especially for the fact that I'm apologizing in a blog, and that I can't do it on the phone, or even in person. I hate to admit my mistakes, but hurting you was something I really regret doing. I know you're probably reading this and your reaction is probably like, "Yea, no shit, slut. I can't believe you fuckin' hurt me so much and you expect me to forgive you so easily. You're going to have to work for my forgiveness." I know that I will have to work for it, but in the end it's always worth it.

SUHI's Culture Night was alright. Watching Curtain Call again was dope. The dance portion wasn't what I anticipated it to be like. I expected it to be dope like AB Samahan, because the majority of the people there were from Samahan like UC All Male, Morse All Female, Kinections, and especially Curtain Call. But it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. The guys there were rude and hella raunchy. But whatever, I learned my lesson. I should just stick to books and school. :( Haha.

I'm bummed that I didn't get to chill with Myckee today, but it was fun kickin' it with BOYET like NOTHING HAPPENED. -__- HAHA. Whatever. I'm tired. What's coming up.
Nov 22- Church, drill after church
Nov 23- Nothing
Nov 24- Nothing
Nov 25- Decorating for the Thanksgiving Dinner
Nov 26- Thanksgiving Dinner
Nov 27- APWH Deadline
Nov 28- Vespers
Nov 29- Church
Nov 30- Drill

Fuego

This is my sister and I from a billion years ago. I used to be hella cuteskeez. I don't know what happened. (Click it to expand)

Anyway, it's kinda late, but I feel like a little ventilation right now. AB Samahan HSC 2008 was sick. Got there around 7:30am, represented PAPIA all day long. Played a hella inappropriate game and lost, HA. Oh well. I hope no one took pictures :X The talent show was pretty chill. Tahitian was dope this year.. I feel like the guys at Samahan went crazier than they normally do. Curtain Call was hella amazing. I went crazy over their performance. I hella would not mind watching their performance all over again. They were the performance I screamed the most for. After the talent show was the dance, which I had fun at. I wish it was longer, but I think I'm going to SUHI's Culture Night on Friday to make up for lost time at Samahan.

Lately I noticed that I haven't been the person I usually am. I haven't been doing my homework, being as attentive as I should be, listening to my parents, or even being committed to all of my extracurriculars. I've been slacking like crazy and I'm pretty sure it's because of having fun at Samahan. I know that there were tons of situations that led up to this, but the only solution I'm thinking of is letting myself "go" until Sunday, and then getting back on track on Monday. Just my two cents. I feel like if I don't finally have as much fun as my body will let me, I'll just feel like I regretted my chances.

I know I don't seem fair, realistic, or even worthy of your love, time, and all of that right now, but I have a question: If you realize that you're going through so much pain, then why do you keep hanging on? Think about it.

This weekend.

"SH/T was TIGHT."
HAHA. - Karl.

Anyway, my weekend went by hella fun. I really enjoyed it. I haven't laughed so hard or smiled so much in a long time. Joining FilAm may have been one of the greatest things that has happened to me in a long time. I know I've only been at this church for a few weeks, but I love it already. This weekend was amazing, and I'm glad I'm becoming apart of this church.

Saturday, we went to Sabbath school and all that good stuff, and Aijalon asked me to sit in with the rest of the youth. It tripped me out because I've never sat in the front before. After, I convinced my mom to let me stay after for the potluck, and Ian showed me around and what not. Later we all just chilled until 4 talking and doing pretty much nothing. Then my mom picked me up, and Uncle Eric convinced her to let me go out with all of them to watch High School Musical 3. I didn't like it and I still think HSM 1 was the best. After the movie, we all made fun of Aijalon and Ian about how they were crying during the movie. Uncle Eric was wiping their faces like they were crying, haha! When we left the theatre, we walked around the mall even though it was ridiculously cold, waiting for my mom to pick us up.

Sunday, Aron picked us up! We went to Pathfinders to watch and observe. When we "fell out" for the first time, we went into the church, sang, and listened to a story. After, I think there was PE. Everyone played capture the flag, but Kayla and I watched. Next we gathered back into the fellowship hall to get assigned who everyone was riding with, and we went on a field trip to a life sized model of the Tabernacle. The only thing that sucked was that it was mad cold. When we went back to church, we ate hot dogs and banana bread. Afterward, while we were waiting for the Mark Finley service at 7pm, Pastor Kyle did his freak show thing where he put his legs around his neck and started walking on his hands! It was hella funny. Then, Pastor Kyle taught us some games, and we played until the service. The first game was crazy! I forgot what it was called, but it's similar to musical church. It was so ironic though because Ian and I were partners, and Kayla and Chloe were partners, so it was like sibling rivalry at the end because we were the last two groups. Too bad we lost because IAN CAN'T RUN. Hah, just kidding. After that game, we played Amboea. It was so funny because Gia (sp?) is so fast! Especially when it Pastor Kyle was "it" and he was chasing Gia. When it was my turn, I gave myself so many rug burns, haha! The next game was like "I Love My Neighbor". It wasn't too fun, but it passed time. Then we played a game with winking, and it was girls against guys! We got so competitive, but it doesn't matter now because THE GIRLS WON!<3 style="font-size:+0;">Thanks to Sylvione, haha! Then my siblings and I left right when the service started.

I wish I stayed at FilAm when I was younger. But hey, I'm not questioning His plans.

Throwback time! Thank you so much Reshil, Krystle, Kathlene, Megan, Aleli, Amy, Mac, Chris Le, Liza, Carlo, and everyone else who signed this card! Especially Reshil who made it for me <3

Rainy day!

I love the rain, but I wasn't ready for the cold. I always love the cold, but I've been so used to it being so hot that when it's barely 50 degrees, I'm shivering like crazy despite wearing jeans and a hoodie. So, it rained today. It was cold in the morning, and then it starts misting halfway through second period, then starts raining through fifth period, and it just stay cloudy until lunch. Then everything starts drying up during sixth period, and after school, it looks like it didn't even rain. How bipolar.

School has been really boring lately. I think it's because I'm anticipating AB Samahan, Homecoming, Karl's banquet next month, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. I can't believe how fast this year went by. I remember sitting in Van Dusen's class on a cold day with the heater on, and now I'm sitting in Dyson's classroom with the fans on all day. T__T AB Samahan is making me excited because of the fact that I've been helping out Denise with spirit stuff, and the PAPIA shirts are coming! AHHH! I just hope people who ordered come through with all of the money. I don't know who to be for homecoming. I was thinking Lily Allen, but I'm starting to debate against the sneaker thing. Then I'm anticipating Karl's banquet for that fact that there was miscommunication and pain last time the subject came up.. You may have thought that I forgot about it since two months ago, but I still remember, and I'm thinking about you and how you're going with someone who isn't me. Thanksgiving break is just going to be another opportunity for Pompilio to give us more homework in between getting fat. There's a possibility of me going to the bay, but I highly doubt it. Christmas.. how controversial. I don't know if I can stand the holiday for everything it means to me, just because of the fact that it's transformed into a whole different day for what it's supposed to be. But, I'm determined to lesson the gap between God and I.

I've been really lazy lately. Not necessarily lazy, but my priorities aren't the same anymore. I need to fix that. My room is a mess, and I feel like I've been lagging on a lot. Especially birthday pictures. I really feel like my birthday and the weekend deserves a post of itself. It wasn't the happiest birthday I've had, but, it's the most memorable. I think about it now, and I can't believe it was only two weeks ago.

I have plans, but I don't think I can fulfill them due to the way I keep getting shut down. So many possibilities, but under these circumstances, it's definitely not going to happen.

Birthday Weekend (before and after!): Fits and Pick ups

This is going to be one of the two posts I'll do to recap on what I've "missed".

October 22


Photo taken by Kayla using Karl's camera.
October 24, my birthday


October 27 | '04 Bred II's sz 6y. Anyone interested?


Halloween '08


BONUS: My brother


To church today,


then changed to wear this to do a quick meet up


F21 Little Black Dress | boyfriend's Cardigan and Hoodie


Heritage Jacket sz men's small. Anyone interested? | Member's Only Jacket sz XS


Pro BS (IDK what they're called) sz 8.5W | '04 Bred II's sz 6y (LMK IF INTERESTED!)

Grading period 1: OVER!

Wowwwww, 3 more, and it's the end of the semester. Or something like that, haha! I can't wait to get my grades this Friday. And wtheck, when are we gonna get our student ID's?! I want mine now :( Anyway, PSAT's weren't what I expected them to be. I skipped a lot of problems. Oh well. It's practice for a reason, right? Haha, IDGAF. School's been a bore, and I can't wait for this week. It's gonna be a super quick blur, ah my goodness. LAWL.

So, most of my issues have been worked out, just like an unironed blouse that's super hard to iron. You'll iron everything out, but you'll always have that little wrinkle or two that just won't come out! Hm. But, hey, you tried right.

I got my Rock's and Joe's tailored last week. Just a cut and hem each. I love filipinos so much! The dry cleaners that I went to tailored them for only $14. Yaaaay, fr3$h denumz LAWL


Today, my family and I went to FilAm church in Bonita. It was fun, and I really liked it. Everyone was hella nice, and I feel more comfortable there than at PV Church. This afternoon we went to Vieja's Casino. It was maddddd boring. Almost bought some 504 Levi's, but I changed my mind and didn't buy anything at all. After the freakin' water show, we stood in line for more than an hour to get into a sucky buffet. Whatever, they're pecan things were pretty yummy. I think I would have rather stayed home and cleaned.

So, happy belated birthday, Joey.
Happy almost birthday, Arvy.
Happy almost birthday, Jeremiah.
Happy almost birthday, Chris.
Happy almost birthday, An.

I need to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and buy a drying rack. I'm not willing to let my shirts stretch from hanging on hangers after cleaning them. Heckkkk no. Not with the money I spend on them, shoooot. And I wanna catch up on Gossip Girl. I don't have enough time read the books (but I will, someday!), but I reaaaallly wanna get the first season, too! Haha.

Anyway. I'm excited for this week. I have a feeling that it's going to be wonderful. No intense Santa Ana winds. No crazy wild fires. No loneliness. (:

Selah pt. I

New "series". Selah.

1. PSAT's tomorrow. Am I ready? Probably not. I studied a little bit. It's not the real thing, and although I should treat it like it is, I'm too lazy. Am I worried about it? Not too much. I'm just happy that because of it, there's extensions on odd day work.

2. How do I comfort you? Through my attempts to comfort you, my words slowly become irrelevant by the second. I'm not going to keep running my mouth, wasting my breaths, for failure where I'm not even helping. I don't know what you want me to say because I've never been in this situation before. What would you say to me if I had been on that accident, and you were just home, kickin' it, and doing your homework. I've told you on and on that I'm always here for you. I've been here for you since the beginning. I'm sorry that I'm caught up with school and extracurricular activities, but we agreed that school does come first. You're hurting and traumatized, but how do you think I feel? I know that I'm definitely not your first priority.. Selah.

3. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to you yet. Your actions are shady, and I'm not down for that at all. I don't want to talk to you about it because it's really none of my business, but I'm not a fake person, and I'm not gonna talk to you like nothing is wrong.

More sleep, less social? Lately, all I've been doing is questioning myself. Selah. I'm so confused about everything. Can I handle school? Can I handle Karl? Can I handle any of this? I don't know what I want. I don't know how to deal with any of this. More Karl, less sleep, poor grades? Is it really all worth it in the end? I'm beginning to think that I can't handle any of this.. If I can't handle sophomore year, how will I cope with everything as a junior when everything counts for college?

There's only so much that I can tolerate.. Selah. For me, there's only a thin line between tolerable and impossible.. It's do or die. I can either handle all of it, or not have anything at all.

Everything has been so good lately, and I was expecting it to keep growing until about next weekend. But now, I'm scared. Selah. For myself, this relationship, my life, my success, or my failure. Selah. Am I being realistic with what I need? Selah.

2. These constant issues, fights, arguments and disagreements are getting to me. I'm starting to disregard all of them and not even care.. Selah. I can only handle so much..

I don't know what I want.
Selah.
I'm trying to figure out how to make this all work.
Selah.
I don't know if I can handle this.
Selah.
Do or die.

I'm taking all of what you're saying to the heart.

FXCK OFF

Priority. Now what does that word really mean? Apparently, my priorities have to match yours so that there's no misunderstanding between us two. That way when our priorities are the same, you understand me better. Right, Dad? Yes, I'm actually very happy that when the first grading period is pretty much fucking over, you're going to attempt to go to my school and talk to my counselor about my classes and extracurricular activities. I'm also very fortunate that you're going to talk to her about me dropping classes, possibly orchestra or photography, or even APWH, because I'm overstressed. But tell me, Dad, I am not handling all of my priorities? I am not staying up late every night to check that I'm trying my fucking hardest to "make you proud"? I'm not going to go up to your face and ask you to fucking acknowledge me. I join all of these clubs, and aspire to ace all of these classes IN HOPE of you maybe noticing that I strive to be a straight A student, even though I end up with ONE B at the end of the year. Maybe I wait for you to realize that I have problems, like my viola sucks shit. But apparently, you haven't noticed that since the fourth grade, orchestra has been a major part of my life. You two got me into SCPA so that I could excel in the arts and in academics. But now you're telling me that I'm not able to handle both? Fuck you guys. When you were my age, tell me that you had AP World History, that you are one of the best violists of the school, that you were your school's co-fucking editor and that you're not even in the class, and that you're able to keep a great fucking relationship going despite all of your other priorities. When I'm out of the King and I, and chamber orchestra while Amy is the only great viola, tell me that the music department won't suffer. When I'm out of yearbook, tell me that the yearbook won't suffer. When I get my classes changed, and need to learn an entire curriculum over to adjust to new teachers, show me that you're proud of my remedial grades because I'm able to handle mediocre classes that don't cause me any stress. Then, and only then, tell me to lower my standards to make you proud.

Don't forget to tell me who to love.

Anyway, lately it seems like everyone is in a long distance relationship. Karl and I might have inspired, butt fuck. Is it really that amazing that it's been like a few weeks? Work it out for another 9 months or so and then I'll congratulate you. Everyone is starting to get so used to the whole "long distance" thing that it's not even a special or unique thing that people can talk about. Soon enough long distance relationships are going to be normal, and everyone and their mom will be in one. I guess that's good because everyone had faith now. At least, I would think so. Wouldn't you?

Time for homework. Peace bitches.

Briefly..

Sixth week of the grading period is starting tomorrow. Damn, last week was so stressful. The whole compare/contrast essay fucked everyone up. Hopefully this week won't be too bad.

Saturday = FilAmFest. Whaaaack. Got there at like 1:30. Fifteen minutes later I was bored as fuck. Saw hella people. Chilled with Loraine and her homeboy Brian for a while. Then she dipped and then Brian and I kicked it under the tent watching Bambu. I wasn't really feelin' his performance.. Then I caught up with my sister and her "friends". I saw Myckee, and we all talked for a while. When Myckee had to dip, I left with him and he drove me home. Might chill with him this weekend to go watch Always pt. I at the SDAFF this weekend. Hopefully.

Today I cleaned and just relaxed all day. Chargers suuuuuck D; No more dope nails. At least, not this week. I finally got the chance to wash my bedsheets. I don't get how people can't take a shower before they sleep. I can't stand going to sleep when I'm dirty. Eww. So yea, I feel extra comfy when I lay down in my bed. That's the way it should be, right?

Everyone's birthday is coming up! Especially Chris Bongato's.. my COUSIN. HAHA. Hint, hint.

Dear Karl:
WHASUP LOVE. I'm bored, but you're asleep, so I thought I'd write a letter to you. Sort of. Um. Yea. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you! Goodnight. (;

Week Four: Complete

Whoa. It's almost the end of the first out of three grading periods this semester. Soon it'll be the end of the first semester. Ahh. Anyway. This week has been crazy. Chargers first win on Monday night against the Jets. Picture day on Wednesday. Missed Open House on Thursday night due to the amount of homework that was piled on me. Minimum day yesterday. Today, church. That's about it.

So I was thinking, procrastination is kinda fun, HAHA. Farson assigned an Existentialism poetry/collage project on my class a week or two ago. I finished the poem on Tuesday or something. I showed it to a few friends, and they've told me that it's really good. Now, that's reallly flattering to hear since I'm not a poet whatsoever, especially when one of the people who critiqued my poem was Karl, and if you really know Karl, he's a poet. Anyway, I started and finished the collage on Thursday night. *I hella can't stand glue sticks for the fact that they don't stick well! But they spread so evenly.. ugh.

Yesterday was a bust, I hated school and couldn't wait to leave. When I got home, Kayla and I ate lunch and did a short photo shoot outside for the photography project. I hate that the campus looks like crap and when I wanna take pictures in my yard, the lighting is crap. Hmpf. After that I slept for what felt like the entire day. It was totally worth it though.

Time for hella pictures. Fits this week first:
Tuesday: the day after the Chargers first win this season.


Wednesday: Picture day


Friday: Minimum day


Today, to church. It was funny because the short made my crotch look ridiculous LOL.


From bottom to top.
First period: AP World History
Second period: Spanish II
Third period: Advanced English
Fourth period: Honor's Chemistry
Fifth period: Photography (no book)
Sixth period: Advanced Intermediate Algebra II
Seventh period: Chamber String's (no book)


For photography class, dad's old Minolta with an extra lens, some filters, and speed lite in the bag.


Inside my makeup bag! WoOoOoOo.


Everything laid out. I don't feel like listing shit out.


Now, I'm missing out on PIFA again this year. Ugh.
Upcoming dates:
September 29- Kristine's birthday!
October 2- Dad, Danielle, and Kuya Ralph's birthday
October 4- FilAm Festival on Paradise Valley Rd.
October 13- Columbus Day
October 21- Jeremiah's birthday
October 24- Chris' Birthday
October 31- An's birthday and Halloween
Mine is somewhere in there.. :)

Peace.

Onto week four?

School's starting to get really smooth, so now I'm starting to have more time to just rest up and stuff. But because I still don't have a lot of time to my parents, it just causes more and more problems. I guess they do "understand" but they don't do anything about it. What am I to do? I still need a decent viola to use for orchestra. Broken sound post. Crappy bow. At school I've been using one of Paige's CCMS viola's. I'm not gonna lie, but it's pretty good. I just hate depending on it. Ugh. Photography is slowly progressing. We scanned pictures. Oh, btw, I have a specific photography blogspot. PEEEP: http://deajquimen.blogspot.com/

So this weekend has been a little tiring. Last night my sister, mom, and I went to go see The Women. In my opinion, it's not as good as I thought it would be. Today, we went to church. We were late for the first time! It was so awkward. When I was leaving, Aldrin's mom said hi to me. LOL. Then we to Subway and Rolando's for lunch. We chilled at home for a while, then hit up Walmart and Sally Beauty Supply. Picked up For Audrey China Glaze nail polish. I can't believe I was able to get my hands on it. When I got home, I just cleaned my heart out. I need tomorrow to do homework. I watched Love and Basketball. It made me feel more sprung. I miss Karl. He's on another tourney this weekend. Hm. No big.

Pictures from this week today:
To church.

TIFFANNNNNY<3

Week 3 of school..

AP World History is slowly starting to simmer down. I have a reliable study group of boys, so that's a good thing. Especially Jesus, he's stuck with me since day one of Summer when him and I discussed the english essay and the APWH work in advance. Dope right? Well, guess who is Frank's ninong. JESUS! Duh. Who else could it be? So anyway, school has been fine. Spanish is whatever. English is something I'm not used to. Existentialism? Really? Chemistry is an ongoing rotation of that same thing every period. Photography! Is the class I def' look forward to everyday. Especially odd days because it means I got through APWH during first period, and made it to fifth period. Today we started the process of printing. Took sample shots which happened to turn into bookmarks, LOL! Then we did our actual prints. We stayed in a little during lunch to finish. Lunch was whatever. Nothing special. Math is fine. We're getting owned by the other classes for math lingo D; Mr. Pope's stories are always worth hearing though. Orchestra is fine. For now. Some people are cocky, and it's annoying.. Other times it's just I miss the old viola section with Loraine as first chair, myself in second, then Ryan, Amy and Kristine behind us. Then the thousands of violinists around us, haha! *Sigh. The good old days.

So the Chargers lost again on Sunday. BUT, that shit was SO unfair. How are the Chargers going to be penalized because the time malfunctioned? What kinda shit is that? The ref was totally fair though. SIKE. Ughhhh. I was doing my map project for APWH during the game, and when I was taking it to school, it started falling apart! :( But it turned out really nice, but sorta inaccurate. But mostly accurate. Haha.


It doesn't look half bad, except for the artificial lighting. It's all because I took it at night. I never have time to do anything during the say but study.

School was cold in the morning, but hot in the afternoon. This is what I wore today:

I now understand why big boobs are troubling.. Mine aren't even that big, but fuuuck, look how much my shirt is stretched.


First dunks EVER from 2007 Valentine's Day dunks!

My birthday is going to be the BEST this year.

So far, so good.

This week went by super quick. I remember on Monday morning when I was sitting next to Celine in APWH worrying about the quiz. Pompilio rushed through things, and then I panicked during the quiz. My handwriting is getting ridiculously sloppy in that class, and I hate it. But it's the only way I can keep up at this point. Anyway, English is whatever. It's boring, and there's nothing exciting going on in class. I don't really fit in with the chicks at my table, so I don't know. Photography has been a blast though, we started shooting on Wednesday in class, then finished in class on Thursday. Spanish class is whatever. But I feel like since break, I really let myself go with Spanish, and in the class I'm pretty speechless. It sucks because people expect me to know everything since I had Perez last year. But shit, Perez is the reason why I forgot. I chose to forget the Spanish I learned in her class. Anyway, Mr. Dyson's class has been interesting. He cracks hella jokes, and most of the time they're worth some laughs. Algebra with Mr. Pope is fun. The way he teaches is really chill, but I hate that I tend to feel really sleepy in his class. Bleh. Seventh period is the whackest. I miss the c/o '08 seniors in the viola section, especially Lorraine. She freakin' ran out sectionals like it was nothing. Today can kiss my ass. Sectionals today was so pointless. We either need to learn how to correctly run a sectional, or not run one at all. If we have more sectionals like the one today, I have some serious schedule rethinking to do.

So, APWH isn't hard, it's just that it's really time consuming. This week we went through two quizzes, two analysis sheets, a scored discussion and I can't remember the rest. This weekend, I have to work on both Chapter 1-2 time lines, the map (and study), the societal comparison sheet, and start reading up on Chapter 4. The class runs so fast, it's crazy how I manage to handle all of the material. I'm bummed that Taeok dropped the class because out of everyone, I wouldn't expect him to drop out. Oh well, it was his choice.

After school, I came home and took a long, freakin' nap. I've been hella tired lately, and yet it's 11:11pm. Then my sister came in and woke me up, telling me we were going to go watch a movie. When we left, we drove to Costco, and I think it was to buy tickets. My brother was annoying the shit out of me and I hella just wanted to punch him in the face. When we left Costco, we ate at this Japanese-Hawaiian fusion place. The food was alright. It was too dark inside the restaurant for my taste. When we left, we went straight to the AMC to watch Babylon A.D. My critic? The action scenes were interesting, but the plot overall was stupid. The character that plays Aurora looks like this girl, Sarah, that I know, and the lady who played Sister Rebbecca, is getting really annoying. Every movie that I've seen in the movie theaters has her involved in the plot one way or another. I'm tired of seeing her everywhere.

Ugh, time for a shower. No pictures lately. I'll update again tomorrow. Hopefully.

First weekend of the school year..

Ever since school started, I haven't gotten a full night of really decent rest. I've only gotten enough to be able to make it through seven hours of having to attend school. APWH hella got me buggin'. It's the only class that I really only feel like I have to put so much effort into. After that, orchestra and yearbook is hard because I'm hella torn between which class really means more to me. Ugh. Keep striving. That's all I gotta say.

Today my family and I left hella early at like 7am. Last night I stayed up until 1am because we got home from Plaza Bonita around 10pm trying to get shit for Kayla's birthday. At around midnight, my dad and I lit candles on her cake, and gave her iPod to her. It was mad funny cos my dad stuffed her trashcan from her room with tons and tons of trash and put it in a birthday bag. She hella least expected to get an iPod. Anyway, we drove and got to Indio at around 9am, and chilled at the Holiday Inn til noon. After we went to this mountain where getting to the valley made our car overheat, LOL. Anyway, we took a cable car all the way up to the peak of the mountain. It was mad scary on the cable car. The restaurant food sucked, but the view was really nice. Plus, getting fresh air at 70 degrees was so much better than 115 at the bottom. After we went to Cabazon Outlet for a few hours. All I can say about the outlets is that I got a purple hoodie and two wife beaters from the Gap. Then we left and went home. Now, I'm home and hella tired. Tomorrow I have APWH reading to do on chapters 2 and 3. Then chapter 2 test on Monday and chapter 3 test on Wednesday. Tripppppy.

So, Karl's in Monterey Bay for a football tournament. First weekend of the school year, and I have no one to really talk to. It's been mad hard lately without that support system and comfort late at night to keep me going. I miss him so much. I've been feenin' to be with him a lot lately too. This long distance relationship has been a constant struggle lately, and I only hope for it to get better once school starts settling down and stuff. Everything's been so tiring lately, I just hate how both of us are on different schedules. It's time for some prioritizing. And hopefully some down time over the phone, too..

-edit- Time for pictures!

At the bottom of the mountain, waiting for the tram to go to the cable car. It was freakin' 113 degrees.


Inside waiting for the cable car we found this colorful ram thing. HAHA.


Sister, mother, moi, and brother. The little morning I'm matching with is such a killjoy.


Looking at the cables to the top of the mountain. It doesn't look too tall, but it took freakin' 10 minutes to get to the top!


The birthday girl's "scared face" HAHA.


In the boarding room waiting to get on the car.


My dad likes to camera whore..



"Look at what I can do with my tilt!"


The couple.


A minute into the ride.. leaving the station.


A few minutes later..


Can you still see the station? Hella far, right? O___o


Halfway there.


Palm Springs.


So close.


Almost there.


Finally. 8,000 feet higher and 30 degrees cooler than the bottom.








Dad's Tram-Car Burger


My tri-tip sirloin steak sandwich.


Birthday girl's tram car burger.


Mom's bbq salad.


Cute background, right?


At the top.


He's a picture killer, too.


The couple pt. II.


She was scared shitless taking this picture, LOL.


Back to the bottom.