I might as well!

Something is telling me that I should use this time to vent.
About what though..?

They're on the way to San Jose for GYC. I'm extremely jealous. I was supposed to be at the academy around 3pm with them waiting to leave. I was supposed to be with them at Panda Express a little while ago. I'm supposed to be in the car fast asleep. Grr. They say there's always next year. I'm sure there will be. I have separation anxiety from them. But I'm sure I'll make it. I mean, most of them will be back on Sunday! Or maybe I'll go with Sylvione up there for the ski trip. The possibilities.. I doubt it though.

I suppose today's matinee was my last King and I show. I'm a little bummed, but I'm tired of it already. I know almost all of the lines.. it's crazy. I'm not playing tomorrow because of the wake. I guess I should soon realize that I do have bigger priorities. I'm not ready to cry again.

"You're so complicated.. and confusing."
"If I'm so complicated and confusing, then why do you still talk to me?"

San Jose. San Francisco. Manteca. Tracy. Fuck. In the Grand Theatre there's a picture of one of the entrances to go into Bloomingdale's in downtown SF. I can't believe I recognized it. I miss the bay, despite all of the memories. I still feel the need to explore SF, with or without you. I'm sure it's not a phase. I'm sure it's something I'll never get over. But, I'll deal. I can't wait to visit again. It'll be emotional.

I'm waiting on my moneycat money.. Hm. I have some Christmas shopping to do.

It's hard to believe, but I'm behind on photography assignments. I needa stop being lazy. I need to buy a reflector. Black and white film cameras are hellla not all that jazz.

There's something about 2009 that makes me excited. I just don't know what.

"Let's say she's a 9. What if another girl shows up at church, and she's the 10? Would you just settle for the 9?"
I wonder.. am I that 10 for him?

I feel extremely terrible. Actually. I always feel extremely terrible these days. I don't find comfort except when I'm in church during a sermon, service, reading the Bible, with Aron, Boyet, Francis, Ian, Chris, Christian, or the rest of the FilAm youth, or when I'm at a party where people from church are at. I do text all of them like crazy though.

I'm not too excited for the rest of this week. At all. I'm really just waiting for it to be over. Aron makes me feel a lot better. Talking to him helps me a lot.

I'm available for the rest of this week if you still want to talk. If you don't call, I'll assume that you're over it, and I won't have to worry about you anymore.

For Christmas, I want to be more at ease. Those who know me don't have to ask what I want. Christmas has me scarred.