I'd say I was on Cloud 8.5

I thought about you the other night—how I wished I could have shared that kind of experience with you rather than anyone else. I was a little bit uncomfortable with him because his voice got a little thirsty—even though I knew he'd keep me safe and wouldn't try anything.

I guess I just wanted it to be with you. You kept me feeling secure and like I didn't have anything to worry about. Rather than music unifying my overstimulated senses, I wanted it to be you.

But it's okay. After all these thoughts, I delved in deeper about how judgmental you would be if you knew what I was doing and how disgusted you would be of me. You made me feel so goddamn worthless. I realized that if it weren't for myself understanding my need for validity, I would still be hurting now. But I'm not. I (re)found my value and that's how I ended up on a date in the first place.

I have value. I am worth something. I do deserve to be spoiled. I am not inadequate. In fact, I did more for you than anyone else had in the last four years. 

If there's any kind of advice I would give to a couple, I would offer them this quote:

Never put more into your relationship than you get out. That's called servitude. 

- Charles Ray Hastings Jr.

Understand your worth and never forget it. Most importantly, love yourself before you love someone else.