Uncomfortable

I've been putting myself in weird positions the last few days, plus my hormones are raging since I'll be receiving my monthly visit from my period. I jumped on tinder (lol) and boosted my ego knowing that these dudes would smash me (ugh, I know, so shallow). But then it started feeling really invasive. So I finally dropped it today. It was fun while it lasted, but I cannot imagine myself pursuing a dude I found via Tinder, the most shallow hook up app in the world. But it was nice reminding myself that dudes do find me attractive.

I also opened up to a dude today that I'm newly single. It was the thirst and it also reminded me too that even though some time has passed, I'm not over him. I miss him a lot and I forgot what it's like to be independent. I don't know how to let another person in and potentially trust him but also be complacent enough that if it doesn't work out, I won't hurt (too hard). It's been a little stressful the past few hours lol.

Nonetheless, I'm ready for a break to the beach tomorrow. I've gone thrice in the last seven days and I love it. I feel so at peace with the beach and I can't imagine my life without it now—in retrospect. It's like my hiding place where I can be myself the most without any repercussions or negative thoughts. On top of that, I haven't shared it with anyone that can compromise how I feel about the beach. It's great.

Anyway, just a few thoughts. I'm gonna do my best to throw my feelings and shit into my workout tomorrow. Also, I'm dying to pick up a new book at the library. It's been too long since I've read a book.

/edit
I just wanted to point out that it is a good thing that I've let myself become uncomfortable. Because by the time I begin to feel comfortable again, I'll have overcame a few obstacles and become a better person. Improvement comes from stepping out of your comfort zone and owning what bothers you.