On a whim

If you skimmed or read the last post, mannn, I was so tired. It took me like twenty minutes to write that entry because there were so many distractions! Nonetheless, they were very good distractions. I'm glad to say that my late night exhaustion wasn't due to an extremely late phone call from anyone, stress from overdue homework, or worries from family issues. I find myself spending more and more time with these "people" :D, and I love it. Church famILY, trust. Seriously. I don't know where I'd be without you guys. Day and night. From sabbath school, to potluck, to Bible Bowl, to Cold Stone and Robeks, to the Dela Cruz's house. Bible Bowl was such a success, but I can't stress enough how much it wouldn't have been successful without Pastor Kyle. Oh, but of course, glory be to God. :) I also can't say enough how much I love you ladies. And the rest of the youth. Seriously.

Today was a fine day. Bipolar weather in San Diego.. it rained from about 10am until 1pm, and then it was sunny. As if it never even rained! Left Sylvione's around 11:30am, and went home for a quick minute. Then we all left to Fashion Valley to hit up Cheesecake Factory, but the wait was an hour and a half. So we went to sloppy seconds across the street to PF Changs. When we got there, they seated us immediately. I was like, "okay, okay! I appreciate this!" Plus, the service was great. Haha. That 6 layer chocolate cake wasn't so bad either :) Afterwards we walked around the mall.. nothing was impressing me. It almost seemed like I'm unimpressable, if that's a word.. but you would be surprised. Later on we left and went to Ranch 99. I slept in the car while the family went grocery shopping. When we got home, I found a bunch of veggie stuff! Dude, you'd be surprised about how tasty veggie stuff is!

But, suppose we get down to some business. I started this weekend extremely emotionally exhausting, and I'm going to end this weekend extremely emotionally exhausting. So.. I'm not going to be around the bush, although, this will be indirect. Then again, when has it not been? ..I learned so much from my second parents. Although, there are some ways I wish they were my real parents telling me all of it. All of this applies to both of you. I'm not woman enough to call you. I'm not woman enough to tell you directly. I'm not woman enough to get straight to the point. I'm not woman enough to be as real as I can be from the get go. You tell me to call you, but I'm afraid. Afraid of arguing and winning. I sound confident, but you know it's true. But what I do know is this: I'm woman enough to tell you I don't play. I guess you can truly take my word for it when I say I live in the moment. I'm starting to believe that it's not healthy to do it. And I'm sorry. I don't want you to think differently of me. Try to understand where I'm coming from. This is where you see a difference. I'm not going to point them out, so I'll let you figure it out. I know it seemed to work before, but I finally realized how much I really care for my parents. And that means my real parents and second parents and so on.. That's the reason why it didn't work out for you. You think I'm the best, but you really don't know if there's someone better than me unless you look. Open your eyes, she's out there. She'll be the one that'll be there for you, always and forever. It's not in it for either of us, and I don't want to hurt you, waste your time, or lead you on. Especially if I'm 500 miles away. I'm not that type of person who, at the end of the day, will really keep her options open, "just in case". So, do or die, if I made the wrong decision now about you, then you can rub it in my face forever. But by the way, don't feel guilty. There's no need to be. You'll find that fresh breath of air.. ,more minty fresh than the Dentyne Ice I chewed before our last kiss.
But only because it's a dope analogy.
I am so tired.