I'm living a life of disappointment. Although I have accomplished a lot today, first very first day of Spring Break, I cannot fathom how many times I have felt as though I've been slapped in the face in the past week, the past month, the past 3 months.
I can't believe I'm still able to tolerate this.
If I haven't already said the wrong thing called my opinion, I have taken a "shortcut" and done a chore wrong or halfway, or treated someone with disrespect, inconsideration, and condescendingly.
I'm constantly being told I'm wrong, and that I'm not doing anything right. I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect person, daughter, girlfriend, friend, student, violist, standpartner, sister, cousin, writer, musician, athlete, dancer, follower, or leader that I wish I was.
But I still believe that my life is in God's hands, and that this is His plan. Even as much as in the moment, I'd wished for physical pain, than dagger-like words leaving me fucked up. The temptation to take away the emotional agony and replace it with loss of blood, or some sort of physical suffering.
Read between the fucking lines.
Words hurt.
)): bbygrl I'm so so so sorry !
ReplyDeleteagh that frustrates me because you seriously aren't one to deserve any of that at allllll.
nothing/no ONE should make you feel lesser than what you are bbygrl, and you shouldn't be made into feeling lesser. You shouldn't have to tolerate it. :/
Girrrrl, all I can say is just try not to let it get to you. And I know that's hard to do. But like you just did, blog it out. Self-inflicted physical pain'll just make you even more fucked up in the long run.
And don't forget, you're always open to call me whenever, wherever. (: I'm up till latee! We have this mutual connection going on ;)
<3 Trust me girl, I know its hella hard staying optimistic in situations like those. And at this point, no one expects you to stay optimistic. But obviously, you've matured, so put that to use ;) Don't let whatever it was get to you, and just take it in as it goes. We're human. We gotta take in life's ups & downs. <3