Late night ramblings

I haven't written in a while. It's really sobering to sit and just type my thoughts and see them appear on screen...to just let them flow without any real hindrance—not like pen and paper which leaves my hands cramping. My hands just simply can't keep up with my thoughts sometimes.

I feel a little bit stuck with this one just because we're not on the same page more than half the time. Good company nonetheless but as of the last few days, I've just been wanting to retract to what I'm used to and what made me comfortable. I fully believe that I still love him. For me, love is forever. It may not necessarily be that kind of love in which I wish to achieve a romantic relationship with him but I will never let myself go blindly without thinking of my mistakes.

I'm more aware of aching with this one too. I don't know if it's just because of the holidays and season but I'm trying my best not to give in to simple solutions. I owe it to myself to not lose sight of what I've gained in the last three or so months. It wouldn't be fair.

On the up side, I try not to sweat little things. I guess it's just a matter of finding a balance between tolerance and realizing when I'm bending over backwards to see the benefit of having him. It's been *okay* but I see it slowly slipping away. They're not favorable conditions. Hahaha. O-chem. I don't feel at a loss at all—maybe just the idea of not really exhausting all options. Well even then, I don't even see the worth in doing so. Not yet at least.

Maybe I've been desensitized due to my last attempt to finding some light. Or "rebound" for lack of better terms. I don't quite know yet, but hey. I'm not passive.