This is every high school senior's November vent.

I honestly didn't think it would be so hard for me to apply for college.


Most students worry about finances and getting their applications in on time because they procrastinated.

I guess I'm in the same boat because I didn't work things out with my parents earlier.

My siblings and I watched The Proposal today. I love Sandra Bullock.

Made chicken adobo today.


I thought Max was a dog, then I realized that he was a vulture in the kitchen. Eh

These are deadly.

And this is my future.


I went from seven schools, to two--but I'm hopefully pushing four. UCLA, CSU Los Angeles, and CSU Northridge are all in my dreams right now. I didn't think it would be this hard to apply for school. I didn't think I was poor as shit that my family can't afford $230 to pay to apply for four schools. It's always a concern. As if I'm not a responsible student that I can't live a couple hours from home and sustain myself. I thought that with the income my parents make, I could go to these schools without any difficulty, but apparently, we make too damn much to be waved of application costs and gain so much financial aid, yet we're too poor to afford university. I can't stand this.

Not only am I putting my artistic passions to the side for a major that isn't my "passion", my mom wants me to go to the Adventist University of the Philippines. There's no way in hell I'm living in a culture that's so incredibly different from here--it's almost as if they're making me take a step back from what I want so they can pursue their American dream. I want to be my own person. I want to live in LA and be independent. I want to find myself with all of the challenges and bullshit in America--not sheltered in an environment with tofu and fobs. Not. Going. To. Happen.

UCSD wasn't even one of my seven choices. From wanting to apply to seven schools to now three--I just feel tricked. As if UCSD is going to be cheaper than any of the other universities I want to go to.

If it were up to me, I would go to some art school for photography and graphic design of some sort to eventually graduate and work my way to become an executive in Marketing for Starbucks or Target or something. But that's just impossible.

The more the thought lingers, the more I don't want to be proactive about anything anymore. Fuck this.