Selah pt. I

New "series". Selah.

1. PSAT's tomorrow. Am I ready? Probably not. I studied a little bit. It's not the real thing, and although I should treat it like it is, I'm too lazy. Am I worried about it? Not too much. I'm just happy that because of it, there's extensions on odd day work.

2. How do I comfort you? Through my attempts to comfort you, my words slowly become irrelevant by the second. I'm not going to keep running my mouth, wasting my breaths, for failure where I'm not even helping. I don't know what you want me to say because I've never been in this situation before. What would you say to me if I had been on that accident, and you were just home, kickin' it, and doing your homework. I've told you on and on that I'm always here for you. I've been here for you since the beginning. I'm sorry that I'm caught up with school and extracurricular activities, but we agreed that school does come first. You're hurting and traumatized, but how do you think I feel? I know that I'm definitely not your first priority.. Selah.

3. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to you yet. Your actions are shady, and I'm not down for that at all. I don't want to talk to you about it because it's really none of my business, but I'm not a fake person, and I'm not gonna talk to you like nothing is wrong.

More sleep, less social? Lately, all I've been doing is questioning myself. Selah. I'm so confused about everything. Can I handle school? Can I handle Karl? Can I handle any of this? I don't know what I want. I don't know how to deal with any of this. More Karl, less sleep, poor grades? Is it really all worth it in the end? I'm beginning to think that I can't handle any of this.. If I can't handle sophomore year, how will I cope with everything as a junior when everything counts for college?

There's only so much that I can tolerate.. Selah. For me, there's only a thin line between tolerable and impossible.. It's do or die. I can either handle all of it, or not have anything at all.

Everything has been so good lately, and I was expecting it to keep growing until about next weekend. But now, I'm scared. Selah. For myself, this relationship, my life, my success, or my failure. Selah. Am I being realistic with what I need? Selah.

2. These constant issues, fights, arguments and disagreements are getting to me. I'm starting to disregard all of them and not even care.. Selah. I can only handle so much..

I don't know what I want.
Selah.
I'm trying to figure out how to make this all work.
Selah.
I don't know if I can handle this.
Selah.
Do or die.

I'm taking all of what you're saying to the heart.