I'm hurting. I'm crying. I'm forgiving. I'm forgetting. I don't know what I want to be when I'm older, but what I do know is that I want my parents to love as much as I do. I want to be able to count on you and your promises always. But right now, where am I? Am I close to achieving any of those goals? I need guidance. I need answers. I want to know.
It seems like that I do hold things back. I know for a fact that if I went and stayed in Manteca until Sunday that at Van's Warped Tour in Mountain View, Nina, Kevin, Kayla, and I would still have gotten back early. I'm so, I don't know, left out, and lonely. It's my fault that I left. Should I have left? I don't know.. I only start to look at these experiences as the beginning of what next week will be about. It's not his fault. It's not my fault. Who's fault is it? Rather, is it a fault? No, no. It's just the way it is. Ease up, get stronger. That's all that's in my head right now. I'm sprung, and I need comfort. But you're not there to give it to me. Who is? He is. I'm beginning to realize that He must have thrown this conflict at me to test me, and check that I'll still be able to handle not being with you, and depending so much with you. Ease up, get stronger. I'm done hurting. I'm done crying.
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